Stone World

Fortune Cookies Predict End to Recession, Housing Downturn

July 9, 2009
©iStockphoto.com


I’ve been saving fortunes from my Chinese dinners and I’m elated.

Apparently, I’m in line for an incredible string of good luck. And my good fortune is your good fortune because we’re all in this downturn together.

Here are my last five fortunes and the irrefutable interpretations of what they mean for the construction field.

Fortune #1: Excitement and intrigue follow you closely wherever you go.

While this fortune conjures up thoughts of becoming a Navy SEAL, clearly, it really means an enormous construction turnaround is in the works. What else could cause excitement other than a substantial upturn in housing starts and commercial building? And I’m already intrigued thinking about just how huge this turnaround will be.

Fortune #2: Sometimes traveling to a new place leads to great transformation.

Obviously, this indicates how my recent trip to Zion National Park and Bryce Canyon is helping transform our economy. Originally, I thought I was on vacation, but now I know this trip was strictly to invest in America. Based on my credit card bills, I did a great job.

Fortune #3: You will receive a surprising gift very soon.

If it were not medically impossible, I’d be worried this fortune is predicting I will add offspring to the Fausch family. Whew. No, this fortune guarantees that massive stimulus funding will finally impact the construction trades. It’s time to prep your bids, restock your trucks and gear up.

Fortune #4: You will have full contentment by summer’s end.

Wow, this fortune could have so many interpretations. But let’s stick with our theme. Without question, this fortune is telling me that lending will return, foreclosures will end and people will be back to work all “by summer’s end.” This is truly fantastic news. I plan to tell my laid-off friends to expect job offers in the next 30 days.

Fortune #5: You will spend old age in comfort and material wealth.

This fortune sounds like I’ll be doing infomercials from my yacht. But I don’t like sailing that much, so let’s consider another interpretation. Undoubtedly, this fortune is promising a boom in the stock market. Our retirement accounts will bulge to the point of embarrassment. Soon, we’ll be stuffing $100 bills in those tip jars at Starbucks.

So there you have it – five sure-fire signs that the recession is ending, the housing market is back on track, and we’ll all be rolling in revenue.

Feel free to take this news to your banker so he can substantially increase your line of credit. I’m happy to send him my five fortunes, minus the cookies, if he needs hard evidence.